Temi's Corner

November 15, 2024

Why I Need To Be Rich, Like, Yesterday

Why I Need To Be Rich, Like, Yesterday

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1. Free Food Forever

First things first, being wealthy means I can eat like a king without worrying about my bank account crying. Imagine being able to waltz into a fancy restaurant and order everything on the menu without batting an eye. “Oh, this lobster is too small? Bring me the one that swam with the whales!” I mean, who wouldn’t want to live that life? Plus, I could finally take my friends out for dinner without feeling like I’m funding a small country’s GDP!

2. No More Adulting

Being wealthy means I can hire people to ‘adult’ for me. I’m talking personal assistants, chefs, and even someone to deal with my overflowing laundry basket. “Hey, you there! I need you to make my life run smoothly while I binge-watch my favourite shows. Thanks!” “Manage my life while focusing on the important stuff, like which shade of lip gloss matches my mood today.” “Oh, you want me to handle fees? Nope, my assistant does that!” I’ll just sit back, sip my wine, and pretend I have my life together.

3. Travel Goals

Oh, the places I would go! God, I cannot die in Abule Egba, Iyana Paja or Kosofe! With wealth, I would travel the world and make my extended family members jealous, especially Uncle Fola. I want to be that person who can casually say, “I’ll be in Paris for the weekend, just to pick up some croissants.” “Italy? Yes, Italy. I am here for the weekend, just here for Gelato.” Yes, please!

Picture me lounging on a beach in Bali, sipping coconut water. I’ll be that friend who sends a group text saying, “Hey, I booked us a private jet to Dubai for the weekend. Just pack your bags!” While you’re busy working 9 to 5, I’ll be sipping cocktails by the beach, probably wearing a giant hat that says, “I’m on vacation, don’t bother me.” And yes, I’ll be posting every moment on social media, #LivingMyBestLife! Private life? You and who? After all Uncle Fola said about me?

4. Gifting Goals

Imagine being able to surprise your friends and family with gifts so extravagant that they’ll think you are a ritualist. “Oh, you wanted a car? Here’s a brand-new one with a bow on top!” “You complained about your landlord, here’s a new house.”  And when they ask how I got so wealthy, I’ll just wink and say, “I have my secrets.” Because let’s be honest, it’s all about that showmanship.

5. Fashion that Slays

Let’s be real: my wardrobe is currently a mix of “I bought this in a panic” and “This is from Shukura’s thrift sales.” When I’m wealthy, I want to walk into a store and say, “I’ll take five of everything.” At events, I will say, “Oh, this dress? It’s just a little something I picked up on my way to my yacht in Monaco.”

I dream of custom-made outfits that scream, “I woke up like this, and I’m still fabulous.” You know, the kind that makes people stop in their tracks and wonder, “Who is that majestic creature?” Spoiler: it’s just me, Temi, flaunting my wealth.

6. Spontaneous Adventures

I want to be wealthy so I can be spontaneous—without the guilt. “Let’s go skydiving!” “Sure, let’s book the flight right now!” “Let’s swim in an ocean” No more waiting for paychecks or calculating if I can afford that impulse buy. I’ll just swipe my card and live my best life while the rest of you are checking your budgets.

Anyway, back to my current reality. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a wedding to attend at Kosofe.